MERRY Christmas to everyone from the Carlisle Cult Cinema Club!
I wanted to share some of my favourite Alternative Christmas films, including a few new ones that I've enjoyed this year.
You can find all of these films on Amazon Prime Video. I hope you take the time to watch a few of them and have a wonderfully Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
AMAZON PRIME VIDEO
CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS (2022)
Christmas Bloody Christmas, written and directed by Joe Begos, is a fun and gory Christmas horror film that combines elements of Silent Night, Deadly Night, and The Terminator.
Starring Riley Dandy, Sam Delich, Jonah Ray, Dora Madison, and Abraham Benrubi as the axe-wielding Robo-Santa, the film delivers a neon-drenched, blood-soaked Christmas frenzy that is sure to satisfy fans of alternative holiday films.
The film kicks off with hilarious fake advertisements that set the tone for the film that follows. These ads reminded me of the memorable commercials from Robocop, adding a touch of nostalgic humour to the proceedings.
Joe Begos' signature neon-drenched visual style is on full display, some folks hate it but I don’t mind it here as it’s as if everything is lit with Christmas lights. One thing to note is the abundance of profanity in the dialogue.
If you're not a fan of swearing, be warned that every other word seems to be a Swear, it didn't bother me, but it may bother for some folks.
Abraham Benrubi's portrayal of the axe-wielding Robo-Santa is a standout. Fans of the TV show ER will recognize Benrubi from his role as the kind-hearted Jerry Markovic.
Seeing him take on the role of a Terminator-like killing machine adds an unexpected and fun bit of trivia. It’s an absolute blast from start to finish.
It combines elements of classic Christmas horror films with the relentless action of The Terminator, resulting in a chaotic and mayhem-filled Christmas Cracker. While the film may not be perfect, its imperfections can be easily forgiven due to the sheer entertainment value it provides.
The film's eclectic soundtrack also adds to it. With a mix of rock-based tracks and Carpenter/Fiedel-esque synth wave, the music helps with the atmosphere and perfectly complements the on-screen chaos.
The blood flows and heads explode as the body count rises, satisfying gore enthusiasts. The practical effects are top-notch, adding an authentic and visceral quality to the film's gruesome moments.
The film's relentless pace keeps you on the edge of your seat as the chaos unfolds. As a fan of alternative Christmas films, Christmas Bloody Christmas has earned its place on my annual watchlist. It's a nostalgic throwback with a modern twist, delivering a fun and enjoyable movie.
Despite its flaws, the film's chaotic and gory nature makes it a delightful and entertaining watch. It’s a neon-drenched, blood-soaked Christmas present that keeps on giving.
With its throwback vibe, great practical effects, and an eclectic soundtrack, it's a must-watch for fans of alternative Christmas films. Sit back, embrace the madness, and enjoy the chaos this film has to offer.
SAINT (2010) Aka SINT
First up and I’ve chosen this absolute Christmas Cracker, I have a dubbed version of "Saint" (aka "Sint"), a Dutch Christmas horror film that I've watched every Christmas since its release in 2010.
This film, written and directed by Dick Maas, who is known for horror classics like "Amsterdamned" (1988) and "The Lift" (1983), is a delightful mix of Dutch Santa and slasher film. Despite some ropey CGI, "Saint" is loads of fun with a dark streak of fun running through it.
It's quite gory in parts and features some great practical effects. For fans of Christmas Horror, this film offers a good dose of entertainment. One thing to keep your eyes peeled for while watching "Saint" is the nods it gives to John Carpenter's "Halloween" and "The Fog."
It's always fun to catch those subtle references in films and shows that the Directors having fun with the concept. However, it's important to note that if you're easily offended, this film might not be for you.
There is a significant amount of blackface present, which can be uncomfortable for some viewers. "Saint" doesn't hold back when it comes to jump scares and the body count. It keeps you on the edge of your seat throughout, providing some decent little scares.
For those interested in watching it, "Saint" is available on Amazon Prime Video, but it is the subtitled version. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the film it was great fun.
It’s a great fun-filled Christmas horror film that I've been enjoying for the past 13 years. With its unique blend of Dutch folklore and slasher elements, it offers a thrilling and entertaining experience.
Just be prepared for the gore, jump scares, and the presence of blackface. So, gather around the Christmas tree and indulge in this festive horror treat.
IT’S A WONDERFUL KNIFE (2023)
Directed by Tyler McIntyre, It's a Wonderful Knife is a cracking spin on the classic 1946 Christmas film It's a Wonderful Life.
Starring Jane Widdop, Joel McHale, Justin Long, Kathrine Isabelle, and the cigarette-smoking man himself William B. Davies, this Christmas slasher/fantasy film offers a delightful and gory treat for horror fans.
In this twisted tale, Winnie Carruthers, the town savior of Angel Falls, finds herself transported to an alternate universe after wishing she had never been born. In this new reality, the psychotic killer she once vanquished returns to unleash terror once more.
One of the highlights of It's a Wonderful Knife lies in its cracking cast. With talents like Justin Long, who never fails to deliver, the film delivers a belter performance from him as he embraces the role with gusto, complete with some crazy dental work that makes his teeth appear massive.
Penned by the same writers as the cracking slasher film with a twist, Freaky, It's a Wonderful Knife showcases the same creativity and mastery of the genre. The film takes inspiration from Scream, slightly adopting the look and actions of the killer, while also featuring some fantastic practical gore effects and bloody kills that we horror fans will relish.
While It's a Wonderful Knife may not be perfect, it is undeniably a great, fun watch. As a fan of Christmas horror films, I couldn't have asked for a better way to kick off the festive season. The film keeps you engaged throughout and delivers some unexpected twists that add to the film which I wasn’t expecting.
The twist within the twist in It's a Wonderful Knife is a stroke of brilliance, leaving me pleasantly surprised as I didn’t see it coming. For me, this film was an excellent start to my festive fright films. It combined the joyous spirit of the holiday season with the bloody elements of a slasher film, creating a unique blend of genres.
It's a festive slasher delight that offers a fresh twist on a beloved Christmas film. With a cracking cast, fantastic practical effects, and unexpected twists, it delivers a cracking and enjoyable film. As a fan of the genre, I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of this film and highly recommend it to fellow horror fans.
RARE EXPORTS (2010)
Next up is the 2010 Christmas horror film "Rare Exports,", written and directed by Jalmari Helander and starring the talented father and son acting team of Jorma and Onni Tommila, among others.
This film is a cracker and it delves into the darker side of Santa Claus, showcasing a unique take on the myth and legends surrounding the jolly old man. Having previously watched the short films that inspired the full-length feature, I was thrilled to see the story expanded on the big screen.
It was also my introduction to the on-screen chemistry between Jorma and Onni Tommila, who would later star together in other films by the same director, such as "Big Game" and "Sisu." "Rare Exports" is a cracking Christmas horror film that perfectly balances fun and fright.
I have made it a tradition to watch this film every year since its release, as it never fails to entertain with its great story and engaging characters. The pacing is spot-on, ensuring that the film doesn't overstay its welcome and keeps you hooked from start to finish.
One of the film's strongest aspects is its visuals, which enhance the fantastic story being told. The last 20 minutes of the film are particularly thrilling, reminiscent of "Night of the Living Dead."
Instead of zombies, we are treated to killer feral Santa's Elves, with a frozen Kaiju Santa thrown into the mix. Young Pietari, the film's protagonist, takes charge and leads the adults on a mission to combat this unexpected threat.
It's a joy to watch as the young boy's plan unfolds, and he stops the threat and saves his father’s Business in the process. It’s a delightfully twisted Christmas horror film that offers a fresh take on the Santa Claus mythology.
With its well-paced storytelling, and the standout performances of the Tommila duo, this film is a must-watch for fans of Christmas horror. It's a great blend of fun and fright, making it a perfect choice for those seeking a unique and thrilling holiday movie.
THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE BARN (2023)
Directed by Magnus Marten, There's Something In The Barn is a Christmas comedy horror that delivers a fantastic blend of laughs and gore. Starring Martin Starr, Amrita Acharia, and introducing the talented Townes Bunner in his screen acting debut, this film takes viewers on a wild and mischievous ride.
From the moment I caught the trailer for There's Something In The Barn a few months ago, I knew it would be a great fun watch. Not only does it feature the talented Martin Starr in a starring role, but he also serves as a producer, adding his comedic touch to the film.
Starr has consistently impressed with his performances in some funny films over the years, and it's always a pleasure to see him on screen. One of the highlights of the film is the design of the barn elves.
They resemble dirty little Santas, adding a visually appealing element to the story. Their mischievous nature is a constant source of entertainment, leading to gruesome consequences for the unsuspecting family.
The film is packed with proper Christmas tunes like "Sleigh Ride," "Jingle Bell Rock," and "Holly Jolly Christmas," which enhance the festive atmosphere and immerse viewers in the holiday spirit. The family dynamics in There's Something In The Barn are quite disjointed, and as the mischievous elf unleashes havoc, the fractures within the family become more pronounced.
It starts slowly, introducing us to the family and the barn elf, as Lucas, the son, tries to follow the three important "Barn Elf Rules." However, the family dismisses the existence of barn elves, leading to a Night of the Living Dead-style chaos when an army of elves descends upon them.
The film delivers great gory fun, with impressive splatter effects and practical effects used for the elves. The mischievousness of the elves recalls the classic Gremlins (1984), with their rule-breaking antics and their indulgence in booze and partying amidst the carnage.
While There's Something In The Barn could have been slightly shorter, losing about ten minutes to maintain a tighter pace, it remains a solid entry into the pantheon of Christmas horror films. The film is so much fun that I would gladly watch it again, as it successfully combines humor and gore, culminating in a touch of Christmas sentiment at the end. a funny and gruesome Christmas comedy horror that delivers on its promise of laughs and thrills.
With Martin Starr's cracking performance, memorable practical effects, and a mischievous army of barn elves, this film is a must-watch for fans of the genre.
Despite a slight pacing issue, the film's ability to balance humor and horror makes it a delightful addition to the Christmas horror canon. Get ready for a wild and festive ride with There's Something In The Barn!
SANTA’S SLAY (2005)
Moving on it’s the 2005 Christmas comedy horror film "Santa's Slay," written and directed by David Steiman and starring an ensemble cast including Douglas Smith, Emilia De Ravin, Robert Culp, and Bill Goldberg as Santa Claus himself.
This film kicks off with a dysfunctional family gathering for dinner, only to have their festivities interrupted by Santa Claus who brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "naughty or nice." From the very beginning, "Santa's Slay" sets the tone with a delightfully gory and fun opening scene. The dysfunctional family, played by talented actors like Rebecca Gayheart, Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and James Caan, are dispatched by Santa in various creative and Christmas-themed ways.
It's a fantastic introduction that prepares the audience for what’s ahead. One thing about this film is it doesn’t take itself too seriously. With its tongue firmly in its cheek, the film embraces its absurd premise and delivers a fun festive fright fest.
It's the perfect choice for those looking for a Christmas film that deviates from the traditional and embraces the darker side of the holiday but is still so much fun. Another thing I liked was all the cameo appearances by various actors, adding to the festive fun factor.
The strip club scene is a cracking moment, as Santa goes for a lap dance and takes out unsuspecting patrons with a mix of goofiness and festive violence. The juxtaposition of the cheerful Christmas music playing in the background adds an extra layer of comedic effect.
I particularly enjoyed the Rankin/Bass style animation used to tell the backstory of why Santa turned evil. It adds a nice throwback visual element to the film and provides a fun twist on the traditional Santa Claus story.
Clocking in at a well-paced 1 hour and 18 minutes, "Santa's Slay" keeps the momentum going as Santa unleashes havoc on the townspeople. While some of the early 2000s CGI may appear dated, it adds to the charm and overall campiness of the film.
The practical effects are a highlight, showcasing some fun and gruesome visuals. For those interested, "Santa's Slay" is available for streaming on Amazon Prime Video. It's a film that I have revisited every year since its release, as it never fails to deliver good, silly fun.
Don't forget to stick around for the end credits for an additional sequence. It’s a fun twisted Christmas comedy horror that takes the concept of Santa Claus and turns it on its head. With its dark humour, memorable kills, and an ensemble cast that embraces the absurdity of the story, this film is a must-watch for those seeking a fun and unconventional holiday movie.
After ditching her Tinder date on Christmas Eve, record store owner Tori finds herself stuck with her employee Robbie for the night. But the night is still young.
When the co-workers visit some friends in the neighbourhood, bent on binge-drinking and having fun, instead, they cross paths with Robo-Santa: an animatronic, military-grade killing machine.
As the malfunctioning unit embarks on a rampant killing spree in the town's snow-covered streets, Tori and Robbie must face a bloody battle against the odds and the electronic, axe-wielding Father Christmas. Now, a murderous Santa is on the loose, and everyone is on his naughty list. Who can stop the cold, brutal killer?
IN CINEMAS DECEMBER 23
SILENT NIGHT (2023)
"Silent Night," directed by John Woo, marks the long-awaited return of the acclaimed filmmaker to American cinema after a two-decade hiatus. Starring Joel Kinnaman, Kid Cudi, Harold Torres, and Catalina Sandino Moreno, this Christmas action film takes viewers on a journey of revenge and redemption.
The film wastes no time in immersing audiences into the heart-pounding action. Opening with the aftermath of a brutal drive-by shooting, we are immediately thrust into the gritty world of Las Palomas, Texas. Woo's signature style shines through, showcasing his mastery of capturing intense and adrenaline-fueled sequences.
One standout element of "Silent Night" is Joel Kinnaman's remarkable performance as Brian Godlock, a grieving father seeking vengeance for the loss of his son. Kinnaman's portrayal is hauntingly powerful, as he navigates a world of silence, unable to utter a single word throughout the film.
His silent determination and physical transformation are captivating, conveying a range of emotions without the need for dialogue. The film delves deep into Brian's emotional journey, showcasing his descent into darkness as he becomes consumed by grief and the thirst for revenge.
The flashbacks to the tragic event that shattered his world serve as a catalyst for his transformation, driving him to train relentlessly in combat and weaponry. Woo expertly crafts a slow-burning montage that showcases Brian's physical and mental preparation, culminating in a climactic showdown.
As a fan of revenge movies, "Silent Night" appeals to my love for films like "Death Wish." The film draws inspiration from classic stories of lone heroes taking on criminal organizations and injects it with Woo's signature style.
The gang war elements and Brian's ruthless pursuit of justice echo the spirit of Yojimbo, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. John Woo's return to American filmmaking is a welcome sight for fans of his work.
His distinct visual style and masterful action sequences are on full display, reminding us of his unparalleled talent. The sound design and score play a crucial role in driving the action, compensating for the lack of dialogue, and creating a tense and immersive atmosphere.
The incorporation of Christmas songs in the background serves as a fitting reminder of the film's holiday setting. While "Silent Night" delivers on its promise of gripping action, there are moments when the pacing feels a bit sluggish.
However, the film's strengths overshadow this minor flaw, and the staircase shootout is a standout sequence that showcases Woo's ability to create exhilarating gunplay moments reminiscent of a thrilling video game.
It’s a welcome addition to John Woo's filmography and a thrilling Christmas action film. Joel Kinnaman's captivating performance, Woo's directorial prowess, and the well-crafted revenge narrative make for an engaging and entertaining experience. While not without its flaws, the film harnesses the spirit of vengeance and delivers a gritty and action-packed film.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here