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Friday, 18 April 2014

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When is a slut not a slut? Ask Godfrey

Sluts and tarts. Sound like a new party game? Well, in a sense it is now. A party political game... thanks to Godfrey Bloom.

He, you’ll recall, was the UKIP MEP who suggested women who didn’t clean behind their fridges were sluts – sending his leader Nigel Farage (and an awful lot of women) into red-faced fury and earning himself a suspension from the party whip before he jumped ship.

Having no truck with Godfrey in any way, shape or form, I hesitate to mount a defence on his behalf and remain reluctant to explain away his gaffe – so I won’t.

But we women know a thing or two about sluts (and tarts) so it seems only right to share a little feminine wisdom in the interests of clarification.

A slut, according to the Oxford definition, is a woman who has many casual partners. The same dictionary offers a more dated meaning: “A woman with low standards of cleanliness.”

Mr Bloom, being closely related to the dinosaur species of manhood, was most likely making reference to the latter. The kind of woman who can’t be bothered pulling out her kitchen appliances to make room for her mop.

She’s the kind who keeps up shiny appearances on the surface, while knowingly hiding deeper dirt lurking in the shadows. Kind of like a lot politicians – know what I mean?

Most of us, if truth would out, could confess to a spot of sluttishness. We’re all capable of a touch of what my grandad called a “fur coat and no knickers” syndrome. Keeping up appearances, like Hyacinth Bucket or political party conference speakers – we’ve all done it.

So, have I cleaned behind the fridge? Well, erm... not lately, now you mention it.

Why would I? I know what’s there. Fruzzings and frozen peas. Behind fridge, washer, tumble dryer, dishwasher there’ll always be fruzzings and frozen peas. They lurk behind everything. Only God knows how they get there.

Best leave that old mucky stuff well alone, festering until changeover time. When a new fridge comes in, old peas and dust will be swept out – with indignant, angry blame for all building nastiness pointed directly at previous incumbents or long-gone negligent cleaners. Just like political parties do, see? You must recognise the similarities.

Godfrey Bloom’s ridiculous, tasteless and offensive comments have, I suggest, been misunderstood. They have been taken to refer to the sorts who put it about a bit, those with expediently interchangeable partners, the kind who look for relationships from which self-serving profit or power can be made, individuals always prepared to trade in one partner for a new one when self-service requires it. Selling to the highest, most useful bidder.

They aren’t sluts. They are tarts.

Distinction is important – though neither lot are especially virtuous and neither could be described as wholly trustworthy role models for commitment to promises.

For Godfrey Bloom to point critical fingers at women who may not keep their homes sterilely clean is risible. Thankfully, the laugh is on him.

But do know the difference in definitions before voting in the next election. The party game is only winnable when all the rules and players are known and understood.

Deputy prime minister Nick Clegg tried to be helpful with the game plan in a recent BBC interview. Asked whether he would be ready to jump the coalition ship and offer himself in partnership to Ed Miliband, should Labour look the stronger in May 2015, he gave a clear steer.

“I’ll tell you why I could...”

Now you get it. He’s no slut. Who needs fancy dress for this political party game?

Have your say

leave the guy alone he was having a laugh,why do the press and the bbc hate ukip so much they talk a lot of sense unlike the greens and the socialist labour party.

Posted by leonard parker on 9 October 2013 at 15:51

Press taking something out of context yet again good at that aren't you.

Posted by Anon on 2 October 2013 at 19:00

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