The latest in our series looking back on 2020/21 at Carlisle United focuses on the weird, bizarre and the downright offbeat aspects of their season.
Let’s be honest, in this of all campaigns, we weren’t short of material…
1. The greatest own-goal in United history?
There are probably a few candidates for this title over the years. But all the pretenders are going to have to get in line behind Grimsby goalkeeper James McKeown after what happened at Blundell Park in October.
It was one of those dreadful moments the protagonist probably knows is going to go viral before the ball has even stopped moving.
The only saving grace for the poor Mariners No1 is that there were no fans in the ground to watch as he received Luke Waterfall’s pass and turned it smoothly into his own net to bring the Blues level.
2. Can anyone see the penalty area?
This was a vintage season for weather-related farce. Top of the billing was the pea-souper that got in the way of United’s Tuesday night game at Colchester.
The Blues contingent had arrived in Essex. The warm-up cones had been set out and the media folk had taken their seats.
At which point, the fog machine was turned on, leaving the action barely visible as the first half got under way.
The stadium announcer didn’t have the foggiest – sorry – who had given Carlisle the lead, declaring Brennan Dickenson the scorer until Chris Beech himself turned round and shouted up: “IT WAS JON MELLISH.”
We all had to take his word for it.
3. Harrogate x 3
Nice place, Harrogate. Even in a lockdown, there are worse places to drive into.
Other than in the 2020/21 Carlisle United season, however, in which the sight of the north Yorkshire town became associated only with futility and misery.
First time: game on, then game off again after eight frozen-pitch minutes.
Second time: there was somebody home, but the lights were off. A power outage. No game. Back home we go.
Third time: it’s forgotten how close this one came to biting the dust too, given the heavy deluge of rain an hour or so before kick-off.
Three trips, one defeat. First game of next season? Just you watch.
4. Live from…the office
The most essential part of reporting on football is…being there. Being eyes and ears for those who can’t attend.
In Covid-season, that need was ever more acute. Those of us fortunate to be in the media, and allowed into grounds, appreciated that responsibility.
Spare a thought, then, for the poor souls at BBC Radio Cumbria who had to interpret the action from the office, on screens, for a spell during the last lockdown.
James Phillips and Chris Lumsdon made a fine fist of it. But there were times it was far from easy; an unreliable camera angle causing substitutions to pass them by, for instance.
And they deserve broadcasting medals for describing anything at all through the Colchester mist on an iFollow feed.
5. Cut it out
It was, in the end, an inspired and in some ways heartwarming idea to fill some of Brunton Park’s seats with likenesses of supporters on 4mm Correx.
Many supporters took the opportunity to put a 2D version of themselves in the ground.
Some used the initiative to place loved ones in United’s stadium. There were pets, celebrities, former players, current players, fictional characters.
Far better to have a representation of an audience than none at all. It brought some colour and personality to the otherwise barren place.
Still a bit weird, though, isn’t it? There were times when the wind blew and rows of cut-out fans started nodding their heads in unison, like all the characters in a massive game of Guess Who? had suddenly come alive.
6. A no-crowd crowd
On the subject of fans who weren’t there…there were a few welcome and surreal interludes when Carlisle played their final away game of the season at Leyton Orient a couple of weekends ago.
There are, it is well known, apartments overlooking the pitch in the corners of the Breyer Group Stadium.
And those that were occupied on the day of United’s visit certainly generated a bit of atmosphere in a game which was, theoretically, played behind closed doors.
Despite their exhortations, Orient came off second-best to a Blues side who snatched a 3-2 win.
Those people, who may or may not have consumed some ale, then took great pleasure in roaring and cheering when the semi-naked Blues players appeared from one part of the stand and entered another, for post-match showers.
There was also the smell of something wafting its way up to the lofty press area that afternoon. Couldn’t possibly say what.
7. The new normal
Perhaps, eventually, we’ll get used to the old ways again.
Until then, certain things became part of the picture in 2020/21 that you just wouldn’t have normally witnessed in an average football season.
At Scunthorpe, for instance, a lack of ballboys meant players such as Jon Mellish had to vanish halfway into the stand to retrieve clearances.
We had the sanitising of footballs and goalposts with spray.
Has anyone caught Covid from a crossbar? Next slide please…
8. The not-so-innocent New Lawn
I have nothing but praise and gratitude for all the football clubs who jumped through a hundred hoops to accommodate we hacks in the most testing of seasons.
New protocols had to be established in double-quick time. Questionnaires, de-facto media areas, other safety considerations, and of course ensuring there was a power supply where previously there had been none…all the sudden remit of clubs and their press teams.
In the main, they dealt with it admirably to give us demanding folk a workable reporting area.
The only time enforced social distancing came to my cost was at Forest Green, when my seat near the front of the stand found itself exposed to the elements.
A sunny December day turned into an afternoon of biblical rain. There was no cover. As I tried to type my match report, my laptop looked like it was crying. Although that’s probably nothing new.
9. The Papa John’s Trophy
That’s just wrong in general. Nothing to do with Covid. Crowds were similar, too. Next!
10. The entirety of the 2020/21 season
Let’s be honest. It’s all been utterly bizarre. The list could go on for days.
Teams getting changed in different parts of the building, and/or leaving the tunnel at different times.
Players being discouraged from celebrating, despite having grappled for ages at set-pieces.
The old temperature gun pointed at your head before being allowed in.
The sheer volume of Paul Farman in an empty stadium.
Wearing one of those visor things, then forgetting you’re wearing it whilst trying to eat a sandwich, and seeing the rest of the game through smears of tuna mayo.
The early-season debate over who was wearing a mask correctly in the directors’ box.
No audible wisdom emanating from the Paddock.
‘Purepay Retail Limited’.
The BBC’s dodgy feed at Hayes & Yeading.
Harrogate. Harrogate. Harrogate.
Sanitised everything, distanced this, red-zone that, Zoom the other.
As I say – utterly off its tree.
Roll on 2021/22.
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