Copeland Council has launched an app which people can use to report noisy neighbours. It allows residents to record a 30-second clip for the environmental health team to investigate.

This is potentially a very useful service. So is anything which removes the need to confront people about their bad behaviour.

No neighbour of mine has ever complained about the noise. Well, I’ve never heard them.

Not surprising really when I’ve got Motorhead blasting at full volume every minute of the day and night.

I’m actually very quiet at home and I like my neighbours to be the same.

Years ago I shared a house in Carlisle with a friend. One Sunday afternoon some new neighbours across the street put speakers on their windowsill and began blasting out music.

People who do this kind of thing never have good taste. I wouldn’t mind so much if they were playing Hey Jude. But this sounded like Angry Car Alarms Volume 5.

My friend wanted to put his speakers on our windowsill and give them a taste of their own musical medicine.

I disagreed. These things can quickly escalate into a war with no winners.

Before you know it you’re hiring opera singers to lean out of your windows and every pane of glass on the street is shattering.

Instead I banged on their door. By then I could hardly hear the music for the sound of my heart pounding.

A young man answered. Thankfully he wasn’t very big so I asked him to turn it down. He did.

If he’d been 7ft tall I might have said: “I just wanted to say, I’m loving the tunes! Is it Angry Car Alarms Volume 5? And I hope I didn’t make too much noise when I knocked on your door.”

A few years later, living in a block of flats, another Sunday afternoon was enlivened by music that turned out to be three floors down.

To my relief another man was already banging on the door when I arrived. To my even greater relief he was built like a nuclear fallout shelter.

Eventually the occupant answered, foul language was exchanged, and silence was restored.

My girlfriend once had a noisy neighbour. She was reluctant to tackle him so I volunteered, fully expecting her to say: “No - I don’t want to put you at risk.”

“Go on then,” she said.

Oh dear. I asked him to keep the noise down - this was doors banging rather than music - and he agreed.

A few hours later the banging started again.

“Did you hear that?” said my girlfriend.

"Hear what?” I replied.