It’s more than two years since we learned that Edinburgh Woollen Mill made a loan facility available to Carlisle United.

This was secured against Brunton Park and the rest of the club’s assets.

Last month the Blues’ latest accounts showed that their debt to EWM had risen to £1.31m.

In all this time there has been no comment from the company or owner Philip Day about their intentions.

The silence has made some Carlisle fans wary.

Oh well - maybe the fact that another of Philip Day’s companies has the same name as the evil empire in the James Bond films will set their minds at rest.

Billionaire Mr Day, who has a home near Brampton, is set to take over clothing chain Bonmarché in a £5.7m deal.

He is acting through his holding company: Spectre.

A statement relating to the takeover offer said:

“Spectre believes it is well positioned to provide advice, guidance and support to secure the long term future of the Bonmarche business, its stores and employees.”

That sounds innocent enough... unless you say it in the voice of a Spectre employee in a James Bond film.

I hear the voice as eastern European, with certain words - “well positioned”, “support” and “long term future” - said more slowly than others, and with an ironic chuckle.

In this context, the suggestion is that the employees will be “well positioned” to be attacked by a dagger attached to Rosa Klebb’s shoe.

The “support” will be non-existent as the floor of the lift they are standing in disappears.

And their “long term future” will not be very long at all.

The statement continued: “The owner of Spectre, Philip Day, has a successful track record within the retail sector, especially in turnaround and distressed situations.”

Distressed situations? I’m seeing Ernst Stavro Blofeld pushing a button on his desk and someone plunging from their chair into a crocodile-filled-pit.

I like to think that Philip Day chose the name Spectre as a joke.

Unless of course he’s hiding in plain sight.

Perhaps Edinburgh Woollen Mill’s new Carlisle HQ on Castle Street includes a crocodile pit, rocket launchers on the roof and a tunnel to the castle.

In typical James Bond film style, will that tunnel contain a monorail?

I very much hope so. Even the most sceptical Carlisle United fan would be thrilled to have another means of crossing Castle Way.

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Greene King pubs are selling Parma Violet-flavoured cider.

There must be someone out there who likes these sweets' flowery taste.

But for those of us who find them revolting, the thought of Parma Violets in liquid form does not appeal.

Imagine if you drank too much of the stuff - a teaspoon, for example. Hell would be a Parma Violet hangover.

Maybe this is an ingenious way of weaning the population off alcohol.

Greene King might be secretly working with the NHS on this one: try Parma Violet cider and become instantly teetotal.

The same principle could be applied to other social evils.

Legalise all drugs, but flavour them with jellied eels.

The problem here is that all foods which are still available must be liked by someone.

The only foods which are discontinued seem to be nice ones.

My favourite childhood food - lime flavour Angel Delight - hasn't been available for years.

White Maltesers are a melt-in-the-mouth heaven, cruelly removed from our shelves.

Meanwhile Snickers continue to be sold without the need for a licence.

Some of you will be thinking "But Snickers are delicious!"

And of course you're entitled to that opinion. Even though it's wrong.

I was going to say that Snickers are a bit like Marmite.

But they're not really, unless there's a special-edition yeast flavour.

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Carlisle City Council has not completed all its tasks on schedule.

The council’s Business and Transformation Scrutiny Panel heard that five actions were “pending”.

These included a request for deputy leader Les Tickner to provide written details on the buying of replacement recycling and refuse bins.

Dr Tickner said: “I can only apologise. I don’t know where the weeks have gone - with the budget and everything.”

To me this has echoes of “a dog ate my homework.”

But Dr Tickner has my sympathy. We’re all human - apart from the dog that ate my homework - and we’ve all struggled to do things we were supposed to.

Journalists should be the last people to criticise anyone for missing a deadline. Most of us have been known to stretch and occasionally break them.

Anyway: it is my solemn duty to report that RMS Titanic has sunk in the North Atlantic Ocean.

On a happier note, work to construct Hadrian’s Wall is progressing very well.