Mark Green

Drop those knickers

News just in: More than 24 million pairs of Christmas knickers will be wasted as gifts from UK men to their girlfriends and wives.

Last updated 22 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

I’m a traditionalist when it comes to tea towels...

So it is now officially Christmas! At least in the Green household. A proper tea towel-wearing, tree-collapsing, carol-singing, family row-type Christmas...

Last updated 15 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Gods among men, or just in Cumbria?

It used to be a Pernod and black, a brandy and Babycham or a vodka and lemonade that were demanded when I went out for the night with a girlfriend.

Last updated 15 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

This is my idea of interactive fun

It's panto season! Oh yes it is!

Last updated 8 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Christmas is coming, the mouse is getting fat...

MOUSE UPDATE: Apologies for not informing you last week, but Jerry, the mouse that has adopted (and is now adapting) our house is still alive and well and, er, growing.

Last updated 8 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Dear Mum, can I get the festive season out the way first?

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote of my annoyance that a PR company was promoting some stationery as the perfect Valentine’s gift.

Last updated 8 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Breath-test pedestrians

The annual Christmas drink-drive campaign is under way and already motorists are testing positive, getting banged up in cells, fined hundreds of pounds and banned from driving.

Last updated 8 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Exercise makes you a big boy

I used to love PE because it came after a double lesson of physics but mainly because I just liked to run around chasing after a ball like a daft dog.

Last updated 1 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Time for a new image, Britney

Hot news this week is that Britney Spears has admitted that she struggles to motivate herself when it comes to working out.

Last updated 1 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Pippa Middleton is partying on a royal meal ticket

So here it is... finally it’s December and we can all get officially excited/terrified/hyper/overdrawn in the name of Christmas. And we will all be frantically organising our family get-together won’t we? (7 comments)

Last updated 1 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Why not Cumbria man of the year?

I am the first person to stand up for equality and fairness in all areas of life.

Last updated 1 December 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

This housing policy isn’t built on solid foundations

Why, at a time when we need more affordable homes, is the Government planning to take them out of the system?

Last updated 24 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Carlisle Utd fans should not have to bear the Brunt any more

Should Carlisle United move home to a soulless shopping and industrial estate parked just off the extreme end of the M6? (1 comment)

Last updated 24 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Jerry-built mousetraps

Here is a mouseflash. Just in case you were wondering, Jerry, our unwanted mouse, is still alive and well and seemingly fatter – despite further efforts to catch him.

Last updated 24 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Jerry’s landed on his feet this time

It has got to the point where there are three of us in my marriage: Me, her and it. ‘It’ is a mouse that seems to have moved in for the winter.

Last updated 17 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Markets making the decisions

What is it with this democracy idea?

Last updated 17 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Something is wrong with the rules here

Some of you may have been left puzzled by the situation surrounding a little primary school in Welton.

Last updated 17 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Silvio Berlusconi is like Michael Jackson, he won’t go away

News from our Hollywood desk: don’t expect the end of the Michael Jackson trial to be the end of Michael Jackson trials.

Last updated 10 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

The old guard invade I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here

I’m sorry, is it I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here or I’m An Elderly Get Me Out of Here? (3 comments)

Last updated 10 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Let’s paint everything red, and burn Blatter

Let’s get this straight, Fifa has not climbed down from its decision to ban England players from wearing poppies on their shirts in Saturday’s international against Spain.

Last updated 10 November 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk