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Wednesday, 01 October 2014

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Your Majesty, don’t speak or move a muscle

As you know I’m not the biggest fan of the Royals but even I think the latest slice of ‘celebrating’ Queenie’s Jubilee year has gone too far.

The idea of inviting her to sit in on a Cabinet meeting is a cruel and unusual punishment that should be outlawed by the UN, NATO and Women’s Institute.

Apparently, she was invited as a ‘thankyou’ and got her chance on Tuesday.

How thrilling and interesting will that have been?

To give her a gift out of their own pockets was decent – but placemats? PLACEMATS!

Come on! How cheap and downright dull is that?

A box-set of Countdown, one of those big Cozee Slippers where you can put both feet in one, or even a packet of Werther’s Originals would have been better.

Surely a Onesie would have been best for the old girl.

Apparently, she wasn’t allowed to talk during the meeting for fear of passing comment or influencing those sat round.

Well, judging by how the Coalition has fared so far, I don’t think her ideas could have done much harm.

And although she couldn’t speak, I like to think that Her Madge would have had fun passing on her thoughts and judgments another way.

A sharp intake of breath at Michael Gove’s latest brainstorm over changing schools; a low whistle as Chancellor George Osborne announces a mansion tax; a puffing out of the cheeks and throwing down the pencil as Nick Clegg suggests rich folk should lose their bus passes and licences to eat swans...

And if any of the Cabinet look questioningly at her, she can just raise her eyebrows, mime locking her pursed lips and shrug.

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