Last updated at 12:51, Thursday, 31 March 2011

Isn't it amazing what you can buy on the internet these days? (apart from strange blue pills and a Nigerian bank).

The other day I bought a book, a DVD, a holiday... oh, and and aircraft carrier.

It wasn’t quite the colour I wanted, to be honest, battleship grey is sooo last year.

But, on the plus side, it has quite a big, flat area for playing bowls on, some interesting-looking planes, a few helicopters, several hundred sleeping areas and bathrooms, so the in-laws can stay and never be spotted and some nifty-looking heavy duty armaments, in case they are spotted...

And there’s around 4,000 sick bags.

The Ark Royal looks quite a catch and it’s up for auction.

It’s not on eBay, with only 45 minutes left to bid.

But it’s not very different from that.

It is being sold on the Ministry of Defence’s auction website.

After 25 years service, the 22,000 tonne former flagship of the navy has been axed as part of the Government’s defence budget review.

Maybe Rod Stewart could buy it. After all, it helped him flog a million copies of that dreary song We are Sailing back in the 1970s when it was used as the theme tune to a documentary on life on the Ark.

The sad thing is, after all its service, the old ship could end up as so many bean cans.

Its sale follows that of its sister ship, HMS Invincible, which was towed away last week to a scrapyard in Turkey after being sold on the same internet site for just £2m.

Interested bidders are being invited to view the 22,000 tonne vessel at her home port, Portsmouth Naval Base, on May 3 and 4.

Before they can attend, they must submit an outline of their “intentions regarding the vessel” to the MoD.

I understand several MPs have asked whether they could buy it on expenses – imagine that afloat in your moat.

Of course, if it doesn’t get whatever reserve price George Osborne has slapped on it, we could always use it as one of those new ‘Free Schools’ or a prison. Then again, it could be towed up the Tyne where it was built and turned into a floating disco paradise just like the old ferry now known as the Tuxedo Princess .

First published at 11:28, Thursday, 31 March 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk