Last updated at 12:37, Thursday, 09 June 2011

Awwww pet! Worrashame for wor poor hinny Cheryl! (No, I’m not turning into a Geordie, I already am one).

The poor lass has been dumped from X Factor in America and doesn’t look like she’ll be appearing in our UK version later in the year.

Of course, the trouble with X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and just about everything to do with Simon Cowell is you just don’t know what is truth and what is reality.

There’s always a huge amount of rumours, gossip and innuendo, smoke and mirrors surrounding these shows and anything connected with this man.

And poor Cheryl is caught in the crosshairs.

US show bosses have only just officially announced that Nicole Scherzinger will replace Cheryl, following reports that wor lass had been invited to return to her role after being fired a fortnight ago but she snubbed the offer.

She has rightly knocked back a petty consolation-style offer of returning to her old post on the UK version and now looks to be cutting all ties with the business and is looking for some substantial financial compensation.

Which is good for her, though she has to beware upsetting the all-powerful Cowell...

Still, there is a very well-paid job for her to go to that doesn’t take a lot of thought and will last only a short time.

She could be part of the crazy gang that is being recruited to ‘clean up’ the independent state of Fifa.

After months of allegations of lying, cheating and corruption, the bloke in charge (Sepp Blatter) is voted back into power after everyone else is scared away from standing against him.

And he vows to turn into The Untouchables’ Eliot Ness to transform the organisation into a squeaky clean set-up.

Obviously, to root out fraud and corruption, you’d expect a lawyer to be invited in, maybe an ex-policeman?

Nah, not at Fifa, instead slippery Sepp has recruited the discredited figure of Henry Kissinger, the legendary footballer Johann Cruyff and Spanish opera star Placido Domingo to join his untouchables.

Yes, Placido Domingo! Of course, everyone needs a world-famous tenor when it comes to imposing law and order and clearing up dodgy practices.

He has played in two World Cups, after all.

Judging by the recruitment criteria, surely Cheryl would be a perfect fit in this motley crew?

It would be just like appearing on the X Factor and perfect for her: a short-term job, massively overpaid and she’ll be able to say the first thing that comes into her head.

Altogether now: “Yer’ve been on a fantastic journey, pet....”

First published at 11:25, Thursday, 09 June 2011
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk