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Thursday, 24 April 2014

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British cycling: It's got more gold than a gangsta rapper

The global domination by team GB of all things to do with pedalling and rowing has spread to Cumbria.

Thanks to Bradley Wiggins winning the Tour de France and the GB Olympic cycling squad collecting more gold than a gangsta rapper, there are bikes and bicyclists everywhere.

Where once you might have had one or two pasty-faced, thin-as-a-reed cyclists daring to squeeze their way onto the county’s roads between boy racers and Stobart trucks, now you can’t move for pedal pushers.

If they’re not suddenly commuting to work, they’re out every weekend and most evenings with their stick-on Wiggo sideburns.

Cycling has never been so popular, and it will really, er, take off when the tour of Britain comes to the county next month, possibly featuring the great Bradley himself.

Rowing is another sport that has suddenly become massively popular, thanks to the Olympic gold waterfall at Eton Dorney.

Nowadays there seem to be hundreds of people ploughing up and down the murky waters of Talkin Tarn.

Such an explosion of interest and pent-up exercise could lead to accidents and even “water-rage”.

It won’t be too long before we need to introduce traffic control, with motorboat police patrols to keep an eye on the boy racers...

It seems if you can sit on it, pedal it or row it, we’re the best in the world.

Which is where my latest get-rich-quick-and-make-millions-scheme comes in.

I’m cunningly combining the two things that us Brits seem to do best of all (apart from queuing and complaining about the weather).

I’m going to start a pedalo business at Talkin and hopefully we can have a whole range of pedalo races at the Rio Olympics.

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