Friday, 27 November 2015

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A mankini, a paddling pool, some Speedos and soapsuds

I’ve not come across much sympathy yet for our friends in the south who are struggling with a water shortage.

Hosepipe bans affecting about 20 million customers were introduced by seven water authorities in parts of southern and eastern England just before Easter.

And earlier this week, official drought zones were declared across the south west and midlands. Which gives me an idea for boosting our drained tourism industry.

Cumbria’s tourist trade fears this year will be one of the worst as visitors choose to go to the London Olympics, rather than visit the rest of the country and others stay close to home for fear of a petrol shortage. But I’ve thought of a great advertising campaign to attract people up here from down south.

It involves water. Lots of it.

The thing that most of us complain about (rain) could actually be a major moneyspinner.

The idea is flaunt how much of the wet stuff we have and use it as an attraction to lure people from ‘darn sarf’. I’m happy to volunteer my services for a series of videos involving copious amounts of water.

The first would be of me in my mankini, lounging in my inflatable paddling pool (filled to overflowing, naturally). Next, I would be wearing my Speedo budgie smugglers and cavorting across park grass that is being heavily watered by sprinklers. Then, I could wear some skimpy shorts for a video of me washing the car with loads of soapsuds.

Do you think my campaign would attract many millions?

What do you mean it would be vile? Don’t you mean viral?

Oh, I see... Yes.


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