The magical fruit

Do you remember that old rhyme at school about beans?

At primary school it goes ‘beans, beans the magical fruit, the more you eat the more you toot,’ and then at secondary school someone has changed it so it is every so slightly more offensive, ‘beans, beans are good for your heart, the more you eat the more you …’ well you get the general idea.

I can honestly say I’d never eaten enough beans to put that old ditty to the test – that is until I discovered this diet.

I have found that beans are a great accompaniment to almost every meal for a number of reasons, the main one being that not only are they free (on a green day) but they are also an SS or super speed food, which means that eating them actually helps you to lose weight. I think they only help because they race through you like Lewis Hamilton and drag everything else you’ve eaten with them.

Once I’d read the section of the book that suggested beans as a good aid to my weight loss I ploughed in to them like a man possessed. There other great quality is that they fill you up and repress the need for a bag of Doritos or four slices of buttery toast.

I quite like beans, they don’t offend me at all and can be quite pleasant, but I’m quickly sickening myself with them.

What I’ve done this week is use beans as a way of testing how hungry I am. If I’m sitting down at night in front of Emmerdale and decide that I need something to eat – that is something on top of the meal I’ve already had – then I have a cold tin of beans. That way if I am genuinely hungry I eat the beans and they have their magical effect, both on my weight lose and my sphincter. More often than not what happens is that when I think about eating the cold beans I decide that I’m not so much hungry as I am bored.

I think I’d make a master psychologist – if only I could keep off the toilet for long enough.

And the exercise that my stomach muscles are getting as I battle to hold in some almighty methane explosions during meetings at work must be doing me some good, as painful as it can be!

Week two weight loss: 6lbs.