I don’t want that image in my head, thank you

I COULD just about stomach Ann Widdecombe’s dancing and quickly recovered from Boris’s Olympic jigging.

Last updated 11 September 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

The gold medal for being booed goes to...

THE glorious Paralympics have drawn to a close and with them has gone the last hope of London 2012’s hot, sunny summer making a last minute sprint into Cumbria.

Last updated 11 September 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Let the children walk

Last updated 4 September 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Can we really take on Mother Nature?

Considering summer failed to put in any kind of appearance, autumn turned up with extraordinary punctuality.

Last updated 4 September 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

What’s wrong with the charity shop?

I CAN’T have been the only one to raise an eyebrow on learning that seven of Margaret Thatcher’s 1970s outfits were to be auctioned at Christie’s.

Last updated 4 September 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Once you get the right bra, everything falls into place

The last time it happened, I was nine and it made me cry. Things have changed a bit since then. Before going any further, I should, for reasons of safety and decorum, advise men of nervous or smutty disposition to look away. Turn to the sports pages, perhaps. Go put the kettle on.

Last updated 31 August 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Who cares if Harry was naked anyway?

So silly. So utterly and inarguably ridiculous. Come now... you really do have to laugh. (26 comments)

Last updated 28 August 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

My gran was right, there’s always someone worse off

It’s what you don’t see that makes the difference. That which is hidden tells the real story of the highs and lows of a person’s life.

Last updated 24 August 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

That’s a fail, Michael Gove

More exam results this week. More young people biting their nails down to the elbows, waiting for some clever-clogs to tell them they’re actually all pretty dim. (7 comments)

Last updated 21 August 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

You won’t have my cake and eat it. I can’t bake one

Cake? Why would I want to go to a cake...erm, thing? I haven’t baked a cake since I was at school, haven’t eaten one since I started this wretched diet and wouldn’t know an upside-down from a tipsy-turvy, even were I to stand on my head and study both through bottle bottoms.

Last updated 17 August 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Politicians have no place in this new hope and glory

Well, that was fun. More than fun, it was uplifting, refreshing, awe-inspiring, exciting. (12 comments)

Last updated 14 August 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

It has to be done if I want to wear high heels at 80

This dieting lark is a bewildering business. Who’d have thought eating less would take up so much time, money, effort and concentration?

Last updated 10 August 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

We were right all along...

Wait long enough and everything that goes around comes around again to prove you weren’t such a silly old witterer after all. (1 comment)

Last updated 7 August 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

In tears over the rowing? You’ve got to be choking

From her hot foreign holiday hideaway, friend Twinkle was getting a bit teary. “I don’t believe myself,” she said in a whimper suggesting either she or the mobile line was cracking up... on account of excessive sun-drenching perhaps.

Last updated 3 August 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

London Olympics opening ceremony was bonkers - and stunning

Bonkers. No two ways about it. The Olympics opening ceremony spun so far off the wall, it broke the sound barrier. (13 comments)

Last updated 31 July 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Got any sheep in Lycra for tonight’s ceremony, Danny?

It was the kind of reader challenge most journalists relish. The more highfalutin call it interaction. Flaming impossible seemed nearer the truth on this occasion.

Last updated 27 July 2012
Published by http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk

Why can’t you let us enjoy the Games, Seb?

By now, we might have expected colourful bunting to have appeared all over the place again. (13 comments)

Last updated 24 July 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Fairtrade must begin at home to help our dairy farmers

It didn’t ought to be so difficult. Why waste more time in argument? A farmer whose business is to produce milk has to be able to make his business pay. (12 comments)

Last updated 24 July 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk

Olympic Games security: Heads used to roll for things like this

Just when you decide it’s time to be positive about those Games – more beaten into submission than newly sporty – along come the circus clowns to hurl a few more gremlins into the works. (10 comments)

Last updated 17 July 2012
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk