Saturday, 28 November 2015

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More, and less, of the same in 2014 please

On a day like today it’s impossible not to look back with just a little fondness... and maybe a bit of relief too.

The good, bad and downright crazy bits of 2013 are all behind us now – dumped in the recycling box of history.

It’s new leaf time. Turn it over, start again, do it better than last time. No regrets but perhaps an inclination to forget 2013’s messy bits. But will next year be any better?

OUT from 2013.

Twerking. It was never a good idea to take your partners for this dance – who knew where they’d been?

Throttling and tweaking noses at lunch. Not good table manners, Charles. You should have listened to your mother.

Baking. Sick to death of cup cakes. Move on. Make cheese straws.

The 5-2 Diet. Eat a lot, starve a bit. Makes you thinner... you don’t say. Now for the science part – starve a lot more and be thinner still. Done with fads.

Dialect discrimination. A Cumbrian teacher in west Berkshire was told to make her accent sound “more southern” as part of her performance targeting. And they reckon we northerners are behind the times. Get a life, guys – learn from northern progressives.

IN for 2014

George Clooney. Always and forever... a girl can dream.

Team Nigella. Best news of Christmas was that the domestic goddess couldn’t be bothered to make her own mince pies and called in caterers for dinner parties. Go girl! What else is all that money for?

Growth. Economy, wages (if the CBI is to be believed), waistlines (probably), MPs’ salaries and perks... count on it.

Parking charges. More of them and dearer. Inevitable, in spite of Eric Pickles’ best efforts – sorry, folks.

Online shopping. The clear and indisputable result of parking charge hikes. Get those boards ready for the empty shops, you chumps.

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