By Victoria Brenan

Last updated at 12:21, Wednesday, 02 January 2013

Carlisle actress Roxanne Pallett turned 30 on Boxing Day but said she has struggled to celebrate the festive season since her best friend committed suicide.

‘I know she’s looking down on me and smiling’ Actress Roxanne Pallett about Pam Noble, inset

The former Emmerdale star grew up with Pamela Noble and said they were as close as sisters.

“Christmas and birthdays are supposed to be happy occasions but, since Pam’s death, I haven’t been able to enjoy them,” she said. “I still cry for my friend every day. Grief is hard and I sometimes feel lonely and cut off from the world.”

Roxanne said she spent every Christmas with her best friend, until her death three years ago.

“She always spoiled me on my birthday. We would text each other all day with funny, sweet messages. I remember running through town in the rain after a night out, singing our lungs out. I could just be myself with her.”

Pamela was found hanged in December 2009 following a disagreement with her boyfriend. At her inquest, the court was told the 26 year-old suffered “crippling low self-esteem.”

Reliving the last time she saw Pamela, a few days before, Roxanne said: “We spent the day at my house, just chilling out. I guess it was her way of saying goodbye. I could barely speak when I heard she was gone. My whole world went black. I didn’t leave my house for five months and I’d have panic attacks if I went outside.

“I remember trying to go to the supermarket and having an attack in the car. I rang my mum in a state and she had to go in for me. My family were so worried, they thought about sending me to rehab.

“The police asked if I saw any signs that Pamela was unhappy, but I never did. If I had known she was so sad, I could have tried to help – I would have done anything.”

Roxanne – who starred in Dancing On Ice in January 2009 and now plays Janet in touring musical The Rocky Horror Show – spent Christmas with her mum and flatmate Rocky Horror co-star Ben Forster, 32, in Brighton.

“Brighton is a good change of scenery as Carlisle holds too many memories,” she said. “The best way to survive the festive season is to keep myself distracted.”

“I’m not ready to raise a glass in Pamela’s memory yet, but I hope I will be one day. I’m close to her parents – I sent her dad a mini Christmas tree to place on her grave this year. I’ll never have a best friend like Pamela again, but I know she’s looking down on me and smiling. She’s always with me.”

First published at 12:16, Wednesday, 02 January 2013
Published by http://www.newsandstar.co.uk