The girlfriend and mum of a young man who took his own life have spoken of their heartbreaking grief as they urge people with mental health issues to speak up.

Sam Crook was only 23 when he died in August 2015 turning the lives of his mother Mary Messenger and girlfriend Tia Norman upside down.

Sam's death was a “bolt out of the blue” for 48-year-old Mary and Tia, 19, who both live in Carlisle.

Sam had never talked about wanting to take his own life or any mental health issues.

The idea that his death was preventable is acutely painful. But it is also a strong motivator – Mary and Tia are dedicated to raising awareness of the professional help available to people thinking about suicide and encouraging people to talk about their mental health.

Mary said: “My son didn't tell anybody he'd got any mental health problems. I want to prevent any families from going through what we are.

“Even if people think their family's are better off without them that is not the case – absolutely not."

Mary was cooking dinner for her two daughters when the police knocked on her front door.

“I'll never get that image out of my mind,” she said.


Sam Crook Tia found Sam after going to his house to make a sandwich while on her lunch break from the Lakeland Gate off the city's Warwick Road.

Both of Mary and Tia saw medics trying to resuscitate Sam, another image neither will forget.

Since that dreadful day Tia and Mary have struggled with grief.

Tia, who was with Sam for about a year and a half, said: “Every day is different. You have good days and bad days. You can't really put it into one word. Sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back.”

Mary added: “Sometimes you have to take an hour at a time. It was just getting through that hour and the next hour.”

Mary found it very hard to cope after Sam's death. Her cousin suggested she start running and in October 2015 she did, joining Denton Holme runners and doing Parkruns, community groups where she immediately felt welcome.

“I think if I hadn't started running, I'd have been in a terrible state. I think the running has really helped,” said Mary.

“I think it helped with the psychological pain that I felt because the running was physically hurting me. It was kind of transforming it. It gave me a release.”

Mary described grief as a kind of depression.

“It's really hard to cope with day to day stuff,” she said.

“We just miss him so much. Christmases are difficult, birthdays are difficult. You think of a joke and you think Sam would think that's hilarious and then you realise you can't tell him.”

Tia still sends messages to Sam on Facebook if she wants to tell him something.

Sam grew up in Carlisle and loved World of Warcraft, Star Wars and rock music – the Star Wars Death March and Guns N' Roses Paradise City were played at his funeral.

He was great at mimicking voices and was also very arty with fantastic drawing skills. He graduated from Northumbria University in Newcastle with a degree in English and then returned to Carlisle.

Tia said: “He had such a big character he could fill a room. He lived to make people laugh, he wouldn't care about making a fool of himself.”

“He was one of a kind,” said Mary. “I know everybody says that about their kids but he was one of a kind.”

Although Sam always encouraged Tia to talk to him about any problems she was having, he found it difficult to talk to her.

In memory of Sam, Tia is taking part in Mind's Running Every Day (RED), which challenges people to run every day in January. Her aunt, Kate Norman, is supporting her by also running every day.

This time of year can be particularly depressing for people as the new-year-new-you mantra runs hollow and makes people feel like a failure. But instead of feeling blue, Mind, a national mental health charity, is encouraging people to feel RED.

Tia is running a few km a night to raise money for Carlisle Eden Mind and said she thinks of Sam every time she puts her trainers on.

Mary is also running in memory of Sam but her challenge is to run 500 miles this year. She wants to raise £500 for CALM – the Campaign Against Living Miserably.

Both Mary and Tia have the same goal – to raise awareness of the charities and professionals available to people with mental health problems. Both say they didn't know much about Mind or CALM before Sam's death but wish they had - and Sam - had.

Mary urged anyone thinking about killing themselves or struggling with depression to talk to someone as soon as possible about their feelings – even if they don't know how.

“I can't stress that enough. You need to keep talking about your feelings,” she said.

She also urged people to look out for their loved ones, friends and colleagues and not be afraid to ask them difficult questions.

Tia said: “I think people don't really stop and take the time to actually think if someone says they're not ok. You never think there could be something really serious up with them.

Mary said: “We really want to push passed the stigma and normalise it all.”

Tia said Sam found it difficult to talk to people who thought the best of him, which is why she and Mary are so keen on raising awareness of Mind, CALM and the Samaritans.

The two also paid tribute to their family, friends and colleagues.

To support Tia, you can visit her JustGiving page – www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Tia-Norman2 . Or text Redt with the amount of money you would like to donate to 70070.

Mary's JustGiving page is at www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Mary-Messenger1

There will also be a RED Parkrun at Chances Park, Wigton Road, Carlisle, at 9am on Saturday, January 21.