Last updated 16:21, Tuesday, 16 September 2008

In the past, children learnt academic subjects at school, while their parents taught them lessons in life. While home relationship ‘lessons’ are a parental responsibility, there is already an initiative to help children “build warm relationships” and deal with their emotions in schools.

• View more pictures...

Young love: Should schools be teaching teenagers or even younger children more about lessons in life?

But these days the distinction is rather more blurred – and on top of schools teaching subjects such as citizenship and hospitality and catering, there are now calls for relationship and dating lessons to be added to the national curriculum.

The suggestion comes after a survey revealed that three-quarters of parents believe young people would benefit from school lessons in dating and relationships – preferably before they have sex education lessons.

“Children are now dating much earlier than their parents did and it seems only fitting that the education system reflects this,” says Alistair Shrimpton, managing director of DatingDirect.com, the company that commissioned the survey.

“If the Government were to introduce dating lessons into the school curriculum, we would see young people benefit from hearing the voice of a professional and not just relying on their peers or teaching themselves.”

Certainly, a cross-party group of MPs last month wrote a letter to the Daily Telegraph calling for a change to the current laws which state that while every school must have a sex education policy, there’s no requirement for teaching about relationships and the social and emotional side of sexual behaviour.

The letter said: “We call on the Government to guarantee appropriate sex and relationship education in every primary and secondary school by putting personal, social and health education on a statutory basis as part of the national curriculum.”

Parenting coach Judy Reith supports the proposal.

“With children showing an interest in dating from as young as 10, according to the latest research, it would be fantastic to boost their learning at school and at home with how to manage relationships better,” she says.

“Learning from an early age how to cope with the ups and downs of relationships could result in more qualitative and long-lasting relationships throughout life.”

However, teachers’ leaders point out that while learning about relationships at school can be beneficial, it shouldn’t be forced on schools both because of the wide variety of beliefs about relationships within the community, and because the national curriculum is already overcrowded.

Dr John Dunford, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders, says: “Of course it’s healthy for children to learn about relationships and dating, and many schools already include courses on this in their Personal, Social and Health (PSHE) programmes.

“In situations where parents are unwilling or unable to provide this, schools can help to fill the gap.”

But he points out that a school serving an urban, Muslim community, for example, will have different considerations to one in a predominantly white, middle-class suburb.

“Every community is different, and the children in them have different needs.

“It would be a mistake to make this yet another mandatory requirement in an already overburdened national curriculum. Heads and teachers are best placed to decide how to meet children’s needs, not national government.”

Mick Brookes, general secretary of the National Association of Head Teachers, agrees that statutory relationship lessons are an unnecessary burden on the packed curriculum.

“We cannot keep adding things to an already overcrowded curriculum,” he stresses.

He says every good school will focus on relationship training as part of the ongoing interactions in the classroom and elsewhere.

“The ‘theory’ of relationships is only as good as the practice in the child’s environment,” he says.

“A school’s positive coaching will only be truly helpful if those good lessons are continued at home.”

The Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning (SEAL) strategy provides curriculum materials and ideas for school activities with the aim of helping children to manage their emotions and develop healthy social relationships.

While describing the initiative as “helpful”, educational psychologist Kairen Cullen points out that one of the problems with the SEAL strategy is that it assumes adults have all the answers and can therefore teach children all the necessary relationship skills.

“This is not necessarily the case,” she stresses.

“Adults involved in education and parenting have many personal issues, questions and gaps of understanding themselves.

“In an ideal world these adults would be provided with support for developing their own emotional and relationship skills from professionals.

“They could then more confidently support children.”

Ultimately, she says, relationship lessons cannot take the place of life experience.

“Children and young people have to develop the complex understanding and skills required to relate to others positively over time, through their own experience, and can be supported in this through positive adult role models.

“There’s no teaching package that can substitute for this.”

In addition, parents may be unhappy about the version of relationships a school dictates. As such, it could be better for children to learn about relationships and dating the way their parents did, says Margaret Morrissey, spokeswoman for the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations.

“I just wonder whether we should allow children to get a basic understanding of life through personal and social education and do as we’ve all done for generations and learn, as we become more adult and sophisticated, to work out our own relationships.”

She says that historically, teachers have said they don’t feel it’s their right to teach children about relationships, as it’s something that should come from parents.

And, she asks, why put an extra burden on children when they should just be enjoying being kids?

“We as adults are continually giving children more things to deal with and to work out, when actually they should be just kids and enjoying themselves.

“They should be learning the basics of education and they’ve got the rest of their lives to have to cope with all the complex things that life throws at you when you’re an adult.

“At the end of the day, you can teach children right from wrong, but you can’t teach them how they should feel and how they should respond.”