Last updated 10:25, Saturday, 15 March 2008

Just when you were certain television couldn’t possibly slump into a lower pit than the one already inhabited by X-Factor, ITV’s Rock Rivals (Wednesday ITV1) arrived to wipe the floor with wishful thinking.

Michelle Collins, who in a former life used to be an actress, hams up the Sharon Osbourne character of talent-spotting reality telly with added extras of visible ribs, razor-sharp shoulders and a rehearsed bitch-pout to make Ozzy’s missus look like a Persian pussycat.

A pointy knee in the groin of her cheating husband and fellow talent show judge Mal Faith (Sean Gallagher) in episode one may have been momentarily entertaining but after that – and before it, actually – Rock Rivals would have done well to rival a re-run of Darling’s budget speech.

Art imitating art? If only! Whatever did happen to art on TV? “This is my big break and my first ever TV role,” says Sol Heras, who stars as Luke, the wannabe superstar. Oh bless!

Better luck next time, honey.