Last updated 11:11, Friday, 03 October 2008

Why do men claim to be addicted to sex while women get hooked on shoes, bags and chocolate? Just lucky I guess. Anne Pickles has the definitive guide

Russell Brand

• Images: confirmed sex addicts

David Duchovny is the latest. He joins, Russell Brand and Michael Douglas in complaining about a disorder for which specialist treatment has had to be sought. Too much sex... poor little loves.

The celebrity A-listers all claim to have problems with sex addiction. Like heavy smokers, binge drinkers and shopaholics, they’ve tried to give it up but...

Duchovny’s recent revelation has opened renewed debate as to whether sex addiction really exists as an illness – or as a feeble excuse for men behaving badly.

Even Dr Simon Kelly, consultant psychiatrist at celebrity rehab centre The Priory, says academics disagree.

The debate in the medical world comes from whether it’s just a form of human behaviour or an actual medical condition.

However Dr Kelly believes a person can be addicted to sex in the same way that others are addicted to alcohol or drugs.

“It’s a psychological compulsion,” he says.

Like buying shoes?

“We’ve got a reward system in the brain which releases something called dopamine,” he explains.

“It’s released when we do something that’s pleasurable, challenging or exciting. So if you go out and buy a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, gamble, engage in sexual behaviour, or have alcohol or drug use you get a lot of dopamine being released.

“For the majority of us who don’t take recreational drugs, probably the most stimulating experience that we do is a sexual experience.”

Or buying shoes.

“Now, clearly, if you can get dependent on any other type of behaviour you can get dependent on sex as a behaviour as we release dopamine so we feel good about it. Between one and six per cent of people have a problem with sex behaviour and a problem in terms of frequency or social consequences of the behaviour.”

Maybe so but many still believe these so-called addicts should just exercise some good old-fashioned self-control. It’s tempting to judge men like Duchovny, Douglas or Brand as naughty boys who have chosen to ‘out’ themselves as sex addicts rather than admit they’ve been caught cheating.

Dr Kelly disagrees, claiming there are three clear rules that define a sex addict as opposed to someone who’s just been caught with their pants down.

“The three core features of a sex addict are firstly, they have shown a loss of control, whether that’s using inappropriate partners or just showing compulsion to be involved with someone sexually.

“The second is the continuation of the behaviour despite adverse consequences, this relates to the risk-taking, for example dating when away from home, engaging in behaviours which despite having adverse consequences which people try to avoid, i.e if my girlfriend finds out this is going to be a disaster, the person continues.

“The third feature is they get withdrawal symptoms when they stop. With sex addiction this tends to be feeling anxious or depressed where you only feel good when you’re engaging in this behaviour.”

So, it is like shoe shopping, designer bag collecting and gorging on 70 per cent cocoa chocolate. The anticipation, the buzz, the risk to the credit card and the guilt afterwards... all part of the fun. But why do women shop (and eat) for their dopamine hits while men play away – and is sex only an addiction for celebrities?

It’s rare we’ll encounter an ordinary Joe who’ll admit to sex addiction. Even Dr Kelly agrees one of the most notorious examples of a sex addict was the power-lusting leader Genghis Khan, who had hundreds of children. But we women can match him with Catherine the Great – who built the Hermitage for her shopping.

Dr Kelly admits celebrities have added allure of fame and money but he disagrees that the average person won’t become addicted. In fact, the prevalence of sex on the internet means people don’t need to be sexually active to become addicted.

“If you look at the internet, the most common search entry is sex and something like 40 per cent of men have looked at pornography in the last month.

“What happens is they then get into a cycle where that behaviour is rewarding because of the dopamine. The internet is causing problems with sex addiction.”

Men are more likely to become sex addicts than women, he says.

“For women, generally, it’s about forming a relationship where sex is part of it,” he explains. “Men see things differently.”

Just as media-promoted imagery may be encouraging men to see themselves as Genghis, so too the much hyped lives of designer clad WAGs could be at the root of a woman’s drive to shop like Catherine. Addiction, compulsion, comfort, enlivening escape... it all adds up in much the same way. Reluctance to give up guilty pleasures.

If you’re suspicious your partner could be a sex addict – or playing away – Dr Kelly has a few words of advice.

He warns you should look out for excessive internet use, or your partner being overly protective of his phone – on which he sends and receives secret text messages.

“Sex addicts are charming but flawed and what they tend to do is promise a lot and then just move on.”

And if you suspect you might be buying too many shoes or handbags, here’s another couple of tips to help avert crisis. Hide the receipts and lie a lot.